you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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