who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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