so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
