you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
