standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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