the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
