come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I did not marry a roomba.
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