the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
