There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
