your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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