i just had sex bonerless
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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