If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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