I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
