that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You've changed since you got that strap on
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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