Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
