my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
