After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
