Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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