Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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