Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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