im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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