I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
