You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
