My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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