Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
