I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
