We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
