i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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