Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
