then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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