Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
