im gay
i know
yea but for you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
