Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
