Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
