Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
