I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
