I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
love makes seman taste better
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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