I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
