my phone needs a breathalizer
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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