They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
