I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i think my cat just said my name.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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