I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
