Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
