listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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