Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
