Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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