one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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