toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
