His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
