there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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