i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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